“Who am I? … I don’t know. I guess I have a lot of things to ponder.”
- Derek Zoolander, speaking to his reflection in a puddle, 2001.
In an interesting twist on the Narcissus fable, the really ridiculously good-looking Zoolander neatly sums up one of the main pressures of the adolescent years: the search for identity. Teenagers have a lot of things to ponder!
In the early years of life, parents define their children. We provide their identity. I see it in my own kids: despite a few funny debates with my fashion-conscious 3 year old daughter, we decide what she wears, what she eats, what she watches on TV, the music she listens to, the friends she associates with. The fact that she loves anything to do with ballet and pink is more to do with my wife’s preferences than ‘just being a girl’.
As children move towards adolescence, they start to explore their identity outside the realm of their parents influence. Going to high school is a huge step forward in life; all of a sudden they’re confronted by a myriad of different sub-cultures; emos, indie kids, skaters, lads and so on. And those teenage years are often absorbed in experimenting with different identities, in an attempt to discover which identity they feel most comfortable with. Have you ever wondered why teenagers take so many photos of themselves in front of the mirror?
One of the big things teenagers are searching for as they try on these different identities is acceptance: “Who loves me? Who will accept me? Will I still fit in if I choose a different sub-culture?” Or even, “If I choose to stand out, will people notice me?”
At All Saints, one of the things we aim to do in our youth ministry and wider church is to create a community where sub-cultures and outward appearances don’t equate to dividing walls: we want to show young people that Jesus has offered us a new identity; so whether you’re an emo, skater, lad or indie kid, you can find forgiveness and acceptance in Jesus and the community of his followers. We’re not offering simply another sub-culture, but aiming to create a counter-culture, where outward appearance is not the basis of inclusion or exclusion. This is a reflection of the love and forgiveness that Jesus has offered us, demonstrated at the cross.
Jesus’ love is a life-changing love. It is our hope and prayer that as young people ponder the love of Jesus, they will both love him back, and love the people around them … especially their parents!

